Loneliness seems to be the new crisis. The trend toward working from home with our super connected technology has rendered us isolated and feeling rather disconnected. The lockdown has accentuated the issue and brought it under the spotlight. A blessing in disguise, that could prevent a further dire problem, if we notice and react accordingly.
Firstly, if one does not like what one is experiencing, one needs to change what one is doing. Change your lifestyle, change your job, change your living situation. But before you do any of that, let us look at balance, for we find ourselves in a rather polarising world.
Here are three concepts to consider, in the quest against loneliness, in general.
1 Lack of balance.
I refer to a balance between busyness and stillness. Ever wondered why we are rendered unconscious for 6-8 hours a day? Busy, as opposed to not busy. It doesn't help if we simply changing from being busy working to busy working out (or exercizing, reading, listening to music, busy-busy) That is necessary too but we need to relearn to be silent.
To stop being busy- running away from ourselves. Silence the mind and body. Let all the thoughts rush out until there is nothing coming in. Again it takes time. But the value in empowering oneself this way is priceless. I am weary of this modern meditation and online 'yoga'. The commercialised sexploitation of ancient sacred traditions. But the real thing, The Eightfold Path, of which meditation is the fifth step, and the exercises we call yoga, the third. You do not need an outfit, or a pose, or a selfie stick, just sit down and shut up! For 20 min a day. Shut up and shut out. Go within and empty out the clutter. Make space for that which you desire. Visualise it and beckon it. Then get up and reconsider your actions toward attracting those things. Be fearless in your pursuit.
2. Lack of truly long term and personal relationships. Now I guess that is relative, like saying having a dog is like having a child, until you've had a child. Or saying a live in partner is as good as married, until you've been married. Try to go all the way, but do not rush it. Do not commit if you do not trust. You cannot trust, if you do not know. To know (and trust) is to have seen and experienced your partner in numerous scenarios. That takes time. Noone is perfect, we all have shortcomings, but once you do feel secure, commit and stick it out. Some people will have two or three truly meaningful relationships in their lifetime, but 'instant family' is unrealistic and leads to a sense of worthlessness, when it dissolves as quickly as it blossomed, especially when we've posted it all over for all to judge. We need those real relationships most when we get older, so find one and make it deep with experience. Don't bail at the first obstacle.
3. Instant gratification ...that's not all that gratifying. Let's call it 'Instagrat.' The research in dopamine and endorphine imbalance in relation to social media is piling up. Like any stimulant, social media, even if it's business, needs strict discipline and time mgt.
The chemical highs and lows can overwhelm us with long term exposure. Quality takes time, the adage goes. We know this from working. True gratification comes from a job well done, a challenge overcome and so does the self worth in a deeply fulfilling relationships. 'Likes" and 'fans' are ever fickle and will go whichever way the mop flops. ( or should I say '...mob flocks') Xxx rated gratification is a magnified version of social media. The heroin, if social media is the gateway drug, adding unrealistic expectations to relationships, not to mention degrading propositions.
There is nothing wrong with banning yourself from social media as an exercise to monitor your mood. Like the quitting smoking rule, it only takes six minutes for the craving to pass, distract yourself, by going outside for fresh air, or drinking a glass of water, instead of reaching for your 'fix'.
I can assure you, that if you become proactive and aware of managing your mood and temperament, you will already have taken charge of your situation, and feel empowered to move in a new positive direction. IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME.
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