About Marriage

So, you've found the one! Miss Right! While no one is perfect, this person seems perfect for me. I can imagine a life with them.

Before you fully commit, ask yourself the following questions. How well do I really know them. Have I witnessed them; dealing with a crisis, dealing with a financial pinch, an opportunity presented that could entail being unethical, a dispute with a parent or sibling, unemployment, their behavior when substances (alcohol or drugs) are available.

How much do you know about their family, what are relations like. Do they like you. These peripheral details can make your life happy or hell. 

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Moving into your home together as a married couple should be a blissful few years. Even if you have lived together before, the dynamic is different once you are married. Take this time to plan, budget and strategize together. Forget TV and manage phone and online time. Limit outsiders, especially besties and in laws. Set the rule early that this is a private space. All decisions are made behind closed doors in the interest of us and we. We will get back to you.

Discuss 6 month - 3 year goals, in categories such as spiritual, social, family, financial, educational and physical. Set unwavering times when you sit together and work on these goals weekly and monthly. It will make all the difference later on.

Like a business, if you fail to plan - you plan to fail.

This is a wonderful stage. You have achieved your perfect clutch size. The kids are all at school, you spend most of your free time in the car, driving them too and fro, their friends mess up your stuff and don't have the same manners, but you suck it up and suffer in silence. Spend as much time with your family, doing healthy activities, teach them outdoor skills, ball sports to improve coordination, and while you do it, talk to them, and listen even more. Watch and listen to their behavior when they don't realize you are there. This is true parenting. Alert, engaged and positive. Do not be afraid to breach any subject, the internet certainly isn't. 

While most people think of rings and broadcasting their news to the world, engagements are where the real work begins.

Scenario planning, budget planning, turning dreams into goals, etc. Is your partner proactive in preparing for this marriage. 

Have the difficult discussions about real life obstacles. Sketch out scenarios and discuss each of your approach, attitude and ideal solution. 

What if one of us has an affair, contracts a terminal illness, our child wants to marry across racial lines, our child is gay, trans, assaulted. How would you and your partner deal with these events.

Is this really the person for you? 

This must be the greatest blessing a parent can witness. Nothing can be more fun than making a baby! Watching your girlfriend turning into a mother, and the awe of witnessing your baby being born. But are you ready for the monumental changes that are about to descend upon your world? Like the cute puppy you acquired 5 years ago, while still dating which is now full grown, you (the husband) are pretty much out of the picture. You become an auxiliary to the mother and baby machine that has taken over your bedroom. You (and the pup) that used to be her whole world, are now the gofors. Love becomes service, sex becomes an after thought, Socializing and fun are on the back burner. Be prepared!

Under New Management - Suddenly you have young adults in the house. You may not recognize them immediately because the last time you looked they were still your babies.

Since Google arrived in their palm, your parental authority ends when your children turn twelve. Best teach them ethics, philosophy and about life's pitfalls at a young age, so that when the teen years arrive, you'all are ready and your children are well equipped to know what to expect. Try exercising it at this age and you will be met with nothing but rebellion. Remember teenagers know everything!

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